Coming Home

I just recently came back from a whirlwind trip to my home in Oregon. It had been almost a year since I was last there and it's amazing how much can change in that time. Since my last trip, my parents had fully moved into a new house they had built from scratch. My mom was a proud owner of a new car and my little brother was now a father. Needless to say, there was a lot to adjust to. Oh yeah, and my parents adopted another cat, Sabrina, after my grandma couldn't keep her any longer.
The trip was full of its ups and downs and I tried to not let the downs get in the way of the ups. A relationship that I was banking on really working the second time around, failed. I thought i would be devastated by the outcome, as I was years before, when we ended things. Surprising enough, I was a bit disappointed, then quickly realized that what I was holding on to was something that didn't really exist. I was holding on to memories from 2002 and a recent four-day honeymoon period a few months ago here in LA. Back home, I was faced with the reality that the man I thought was the "one" was also the father to a two-year-old daughter with severe attention issues. We couldn't even have an adult argument without her crying. I left Oregon almost thankful that Peter didn't move out here and try to maintain keeping both me and his daughter happy. It would be the kind of pressure that I didn't deserve, nor him. I am just thankful that during this whole awakening period, one of my best friends from Portland was also visiting. Leaning on friends during times like these tend to get taken for granted.
So, departing Oregon, I felt a little older and a little wiser and a little more cautious. I walk away thinking that maybe I played all my cards in love and maybe it's not for me. Maybe I meant to be the gypsy soul who wonders alone. And would it be a bad thing if that is what happened? I tried, I got hurt, I hated the feeling of getting hurt and I walked away. Maybe it's a feeling of being defeated and I hate that feeling. Wow, maybe Pat Benatar had it right when she said "Love is a Battlefield." And with that note, I can easily say I have been keeping busy every single night since my return back home. Maybe it's because it keeps my mind off of Peter or maybe it's because I want to remind myself of the things I would have set aside if he came out here. I don't know. But, in the meantime, I have a fresher outlook on what keeps me happy. My friends, my travels, my job, and the possibilities that lie in my future.

The Final Wedding of Summer

These last few weeks have been super busy for me on the work front and on the social front, maybe giving me an excuse on why I haven't blogged in awhile. But, those days are long gone and I'm back with a new entry!
Last weekend kicked off with a road trip to San Diego to see my Grandpa and Grandma. It was a beautiful drive and a wonderful visit. It always takes a visit and sit-down with your older relatives to realize the importance of family and to listen to their stories and share in laughs. It also makes me grateful that they live so close to me, giving me a sense of unseen comfort.
After my visit to San Diego, I experienced the joy of going to my very good friend Kelly's wedding in Temecula, Southern California's new wine country about two hours from here. Not only was this a joyous occasion because I consider Kelly one of my closest friends since we met in our dorm days at UMass-Amherst, but because it was going to be, yet another, fun mini-reunion with my Massachusetts girls. Caitlin and Alison made the trip and we all stayed at the very fun Pechanga Casino, where the bridal party was staying the Saturday night before the wedding. After the rehearsal dinner, we all headed back to the casino to gamble, drink and cut loose. Keeping in mind, I never win, never, when it comes to slots, I decided to try my luck. I ended up winning 280 dollars on my ten dollars in the quarter slots. It was awesome, but I immediately cashed out, bought the round a drink and we were back in bed by 2 that morning. Since the wedding was a Sunday evening, we managed to squeeze in some wine tasting before getting ready for the ceremony.
Once the wedding started, it was all very clear to everybody on why were in Temecula in the first place. Not to party, not to gamble or drink wine, but to witness the joyous union of two amazing people, Kelly and Tom. I teared up a little when Kelly's voice cracked during her vows, but it was her father's toast at the reception that had everybody bawling. His speech was so pure and from the heart and his constant sobs throughout were touching. I still remain skeptical if a wedding is my future or not, but I can't help but imagine my father would have the same feeling as he watched his only daughter marry. The entire weekend was magical and lucky. It made me value my friendships even more and open the doors at what love really could do to someone. It was even worth the Monday morning four hour drive on three hours of sleep commute to work.