Moving Forward

This week has been a very tough one. I knew that Tom's passing would get me down, but I didn't expect it to hit me so hard. It seemed like every little thing I would do or come across, I would be reminded of a memory of him. I dug up old emails we had exchanged, looked a pictures, and relived some great laughs by talking to my mom. I cried five nights straight and five days straight. Not imagining how hard it must be to be his parents, when literally every move they made for 27 years straight was for the good intentions of their only child.
My mom spent an entire morning a few days ago with Tom's mom, helping sort out Tom's things and sharing in some laughs, tears, and wonderful memories of a man with so much more to give. My mom had found out that Tom was planning a trip to Southern California to see his cousin and had planned on visiting me along the way, she learned that Tom collected hats and kept stacks of journals. It was refreshing to see that there were still signs of the old Tom that I knew. The creative one, the funny one, the kind and thoughtful one. The Tom I am going to remember forever.
His memorial service is Saturday. I wanted to fly back home so bad to just be there for his family, as well as mine. I also have a wedding on Saturday in Boston. A good friend reminded me that Tom would have much rather me have a blast with friends than sit in a room and mourn. And she was right. I know that when I pass, I would rather my friends not only remember me, but remember those who are still present in their lives, physically. I am now reminded that we don't know when our last day is, we don't know when our loves ones' last day is, so we have to live our lives the fullest. We have to let people we care about know how much they mean to us. Moving forward, I will try my best to intend on doing that.
I also plan on a trip home in summer. To visit Tom's family, after the flowers stop coming in, the cards stop getting sent and visitors stop dropping by. I plan on letting them know what Tom meant to me and share in all the memories we had together, the ones I couldn't fit in one card.
I feel this trip to Boston couldn't have come at a better time. The bride-to-be, Kacie and I were college friends and the last time I saw her was when her mother passed away just shortly after Kacie graduated. She was an amazing woman whose smile, humor, and sincerity lives on in her daughter. I expect a lot of tears on Saturday, but happy tears. Tears that represent the great times we had with our loved ones who are no longer here and tears that represent the amazing times we have waiting us.