Moving Forward

This week has been a very tough one. I knew that Tom's passing would get me down, but I didn't expect it to hit me so hard. It seemed like every little thing I would do or come across, I would be reminded of a memory of him. I dug up old emails we had exchanged, looked a pictures, and relived some great laughs by talking to my mom. I cried five nights straight and five days straight. Not imagining how hard it must be to be his parents, when literally every move they made for 27 years straight was for the good intentions of their only child.
My mom spent an entire morning a few days ago with Tom's mom, helping sort out Tom's things and sharing in some laughs, tears, and wonderful memories of a man with so much more to give. My mom had found out that Tom was planning a trip to Southern California to see his cousin and had planned on visiting me along the way, she learned that Tom collected hats and kept stacks of journals. It was refreshing to see that there were still signs of the old Tom that I knew. The creative one, the funny one, the kind and thoughtful one. The Tom I am going to remember forever.
His memorial service is Saturday. I wanted to fly back home so bad to just be there for his family, as well as mine. I also have a wedding on Saturday in Boston. A good friend reminded me that Tom would have much rather me have a blast with friends than sit in a room and mourn. And she was right. I know that when I pass, I would rather my friends not only remember me, but remember those who are still present in their lives, physically. I am now reminded that we don't know when our last day is, we don't know when our loves ones' last day is, so we have to live our lives the fullest. We have to let people we care about know how much they mean to us. Moving forward, I will try my best to intend on doing that.
I also plan on a trip home in summer. To visit Tom's family, after the flowers stop coming in, the cards stop getting sent and visitors stop dropping by. I plan on letting them know what Tom meant to me and share in all the memories we had together, the ones I couldn't fit in one card.
I feel this trip to Boston couldn't have come at a better time. The bride-to-be, Kacie and I were college friends and the last time I saw her was when her mother passed away just shortly after Kacie graduated. She was an amazing woman whose smile, humor, and sincerity lives on in her daughter. I expect a lot of tears on Saturday, but happy tears. Tears that represent the great times we had with our loved ones who are no longer here and tears that represent the amazing times we have waiting us.

Yesterday is Gone

I was delivered the sharp reminder today on how short life can be and how we take it for granted time and time, again. I found out about the passing of a childhood friend, who I grew to think of as a second little brother. Tom spent almost every day at my house growing up, my brother and him joined at the hip. My parents and his parents the best of friends. Then, we all grew up and were faced with more adult situations and the wisest decisions were not always made.
When I heard the news of Tom's death this morning, I immediately shut my office door and sobbed for hours. The truth is, I hadn't talked to him in years, but once or twice through a social network message. I knew he had taken a different path that descended into a more darker place, which always pained me. I will always remember Tom as an incredibly smart boy with an artistic talent and dry sense of humor. I remember summer times when him and my brother would start impromptu splash fights in the pool while I tried to work on my tan, or slumber parties, when I would be forced to give up my choice on movie night, because the boys got first dibs, even our trip to Hawaii, where he wasn't seen as my brother's friend, but just another member of my family.
I'll always looked at Tom as the second younger brother, who was in a way, so much like my real little brother. Both boys became men whose lives may not have always been steered on the straight and narrow, but their intentions were always good.
Tonight, my heart and prayers go to Tom's parents, for he was their only child together. I hope they can remember the amazing memories Tom gave them and from that gather strength, to get through these hard times. Tonight, I mourn the loss of man who didn't even begin to show his truest potential in life. I mourn for a family who will never spend another holiday with their son, and I mourn for my brother, who lost a major part of his own childhood with Tom's passing.

All Good Things...

I was saddened by the news that my choice for Democratic Presidential nominee, Hillary Clinton, was forced out of the race. I have always admired Hillary for her smarts and her ambition and her willingness to put herself in the line of media fire and not back away. She was the first First Lady of my generation to have a brain and an opinion and that is something to be admired. 

I was hoping to witness history and to watch a woman take over role as President of the United States, God knows we have been watching man after man make poor decisions in the name of our country, it was about time to see what a woman could do, in my opinion, she couldn't do much worst. At the same time, I look towards the future and I remain positive. The idea of a woman even getting this far in the race says something. The fact that Hillary only lost by a handful of delegates says something. It says that this country is ready for a change. 

I am not a conspiracy theorist, but do take notice that the media had an obvious "darling" in this race. Unfortunately, Hillary was painted as a desperate female who didn't know when to let go. One of Obama's aide's went so far to compare Hillary to the doomed Alex Forrester in "Fatal Attraction". If that's not sexism, I don't know what is. There are times when, as a woman, I think we have come so far and when I read comments like that, I realize we still have even more of a ways to go. 

I still cling to hope that there will be an Obama/Clinton ticket and there can be a bridge drawn between both candidates. If not, I am getting my stickers ready for Chelsea Clinton 2028!

Sad news

I am sure it's no shock to anybody by now that the very talented and gifted actor, Heath Ledger passed away today. This kind of news always hits hard and I don't know why. We live in a country where soldiers are dying everyday for a war they are unsure they are fighting in the first place. You can't open a newspaper without reading of a tragic car accident or murder. I guess this one hits home because we felt like we actually knew Heath. I remember looking at pictures of him walking his daughter, Matilda, on the streets of Brooklyn and trying to decipher which parent she looked the most like. I remember reading quotes from him describing life as a father and falling completely in love with him all over again, like the feeling I saw 'The Patriot' for the first time. I think the biggest reason this hit home was the fact I felt I was welcomed into his life. He was a celebrity, I was supposed to know all the good and bad details of his life. And now, personally, I grieve for his family, the mother of his child, and most of all, his daughter. Heath left this earth, like many before him, too soon. And whatever the outcome is of how and why this happened, one thing is for sure, it's another tragic story of a gifted actor who expired too soon.