Coming Home

I just recently came back from a whirlwind trip to my home in Oregon. It had been almost a year since I was last there and it's amazing how much can change in that time. Since my last trip, my parents had fully moved into a new house they had built from scratch. My mom was a proud owner of a new car and my little brother was now a father. Needless to say, there was a lot to adjust to. Oh yeah, and my parents adopted another cat, Sabrina, after my grandma couldn't keep her any longer.
The trip was full of its ups and downs and I tried to not let the downs get in the way of the ups. A relationship that I was banking on really working the second time around, failed. I thought i would be devastated by the outcome, as I was years before, when we ended things. Surprising enough, I was a bit disappointed, then quickly realized that what I was holding on to was something that didn't really exist. I was holding on to memories from 2002 and a recent four-day honeymoon period a few months ago here in LA. Back home, I was faced with the reality that the man I thought was the "one" was also the father to a two-year-old daughter with severe attention issues. We couldn't even have an adult argument without her crying. I left Oregon almost thankful that Peter didn't move out here and try to maintain keeping both me and his daughter happy. It would be the kind of pressure that I didn't deserve, nor him. I am just thankful that during this whole awakening period, one of my best friends from Portland was also visiting. Leaning on friends during times like these tend to get taken for granted.
So, departing Oregon, I felt a little older and a little wiser and a little more cautious. I walk away thinking that maybe I played all my cards in love and maybe it's not for me. Maybe I meant to be the gypsy soul who wonders alone. And would it be a bad thing if that is what happened? I tried, I got hurt, I hated the feeling of getting hurt and I walked away. Maybe it's a feeling of being defeated and I hate that feeling. Wow, maybe Pat Benatar had it right when she said "Love is a Battlefield." And with that note, I can easily say I have been keeping busy every single night since my return back home. Maybe it's because it keeps my mind off of Peter or maybe it's because I want to remind myself of the things I would have set aside if he came out here. I don't know. But, in the meantime, I have a fresher outlook on what keeps me happy. My friends, my travels, my job, and the possibilities that lie in my future.

Mom's Visit

So, I haven't posted in a while and I blame my crazy schedule and being that I work in front of a computer a lot of my time, it's hard to push myself that extra step and log onto a computer when I get home. I apologize. I'll update you a little and post a few pics. My mom came to visit me for a few days which is always fun. She managed to do everything she wanted to do while she was here, including taking advantage of my very hush hush work perks. In the end, it was all worth it just to see her so happy. We also got to go visit my nephew, Owen, he just turned one. He loved the surfing shirt I got him, as well as the very cute monkey. My mom on the other hand, made him this beautiful Peanuts quilt, using the same bed sheets Owen's dad, my brother, had when he was just a kid. It was very cool to see how touched he was from the lovely surprise. As always, I love when people visit me and my mom is no exception. She watched me surf some great waves, enjoyed some yummy meals and basked in some glorious weather. A good vacation for her, if I do say so myself. :)

Yesterday is Gone

I was delivered the sharp reminder today on how short life can be and how we take it for granted time and time, again. I found out about the passing of a childhood friend, who I grew to think of as a second little brother. Tom spent almost every day at my house growing up, my brother and him joined at the hip. My parents and his parents the best of friends. Then, we all grew up and were faced with more adult situations and the wisest decisions were not always made.
When I heard the news of Tom's death this morning, I immediately shut my office door and sobbed for hours. The truth is, I hadn't talked to him in years, but once or twice through a social network message. I knew he had taken a different path that descended into a more darker place, which always pained me. I will always remember Tom as an incredibly smart boy with an artistic talent and dry sense of humor. I remember summer times when him and my brother would start impromptu splash fights in the pool while I tried to work on my tan, or slumber parties, when I would be forced to give up my choice on movie night, because the boys got first dibs, even our trip to Hawaii, where he wasn't seen as my brother's friend, but just another member of my family.
I'll always looked at Tom as the second younger brother, who was in a way, so much like my real little brother. Both boys became men whose lives may not have always been steered on the straight and narrow, but their intentions were always good.
Tonight, my heart and prayers go to Tom's parents, for he was their only child together. I hope they can remember the amazing memories Tom gave them and from that gather strength, to get through these hard times. Tonight, I mourn the loss of man who didn't even begin to show his truest potential in life. I mourn for a family who will never spend another holiday with their son, and I mourn for my brother, who lost a major part of his own childhood with Tom's passing.

Holidays!

I must say, it feels weird to say Christmas has passed. There is always such hustle right before the big day, to get cards out, packages sent, phone calls made, that by the time the day has passed me by, it feels like it never happened. That everything was just a big blur. I might feel that way, because I had such a busy weekend. It feels weird to have it wind down.
I spent my Christmas Eve night with my brother, his wife, and their son, Owen. We had a lovely dinner. The next morning, I headed back down to Venice to their house to watch Owen celebrate his first Christmas. Needless to say, an eight month old baby gets more excitement out of the wrapping paper, than the actual presents. It was still great joy to watch him partake in the holiday fun.
After spending the day with them, I headed down to Huntington Beach, where my Portland friends, Shannon and John Anthony were visiting her sister, Dawn, and Dawn's boyfriend, Mark at their house. Christmas night was filled with yummy pasta, bottles of wine, movies, and games. I had so much fun. I stayed the night and the next morning, we all headed to the Santa Anita Race Track for Mark's birthday. WIth bloody marys in hand by noon, we were able to place our bets. I pretty much broke even, which is a good thing. I spent what money I had left at the local H & M, because I felt it was my duty to give back to the economy. :) The rest of the weekend was topped off with cat-sitting for a friend and relaxing with bad Lifetime movies. Nothing beats that. At least I can say I survived another Christmas and only have a couple of more presents that need to be sent out fashionably late.

Homecoming

I just came back from a lovely three days in my old stomping grounds of Southern Oregon. It's funny how you don't miss things until you go back. This time around, I noticed the crisp air, the chilled breeze, the beautiful fall colors, the great family, and of course, the very fun friends. I left behind so much when I uprooted my life and moved to Los Angeles to tackle my dreams. Ever since I arrived, I have been go, go, go. Which would explain why I have done so much in the little under three years I have been here. When I went back home, it all made sense to me, again. I felt grounded. I was able to go out with friends that I hadn't seen in years and we all fell back into our comfort zones and acted like not even a week had gone by. It was amazing. The time flew by and didn't fly by all at the same time. I guess the slower lane of life can do that to one another. Needless to say, I am proud of every friend I have in Oregon for all they have accomplished, if it's not in career, it's with their marriage or their children, or all three!
I even went to my old alma mater, Southern Oregon University in Ashland. I walked around a bit and took pictures. It was beautiful and brought back so many memories that I don't want to let go of. I guess it is true that you can go home at any time and be just the person you were when you left. It's a great feeling and one that I will hold on to in the back of my mind for years to come. I will also remember to not stay away as long as I did this last time.

Family Gathering

As you know from my post before this, I had attended my Great-Aunt's funeral. It was a tough day to get through, but with the closeness of family, we were al able to pull through.
I had my mom, Aunt Laurie and Grandma staying with me for the weekend. It was so much fun to have them all here, to listen to their stories, to hear them laugh, and to just have them be present. Made me miss a little of home and made me realize California can really seem like years away.
They had managed to fill the weekend up, fast and I wanted to offer up whatever help I could do. One highlight was paying a visit to my brother's baby son, Owen. It was so much fun and it was so nice to see a huge smile on my Grandma's face, again, after losing her beloved sister earlier in the week to cancer. It's funny how babies can remind us that we are nurturers and we are all capable of love, even through the hardest times. Needless to say, Owen's face was just what we had all needed to make us smile, again.
On Monday, the family came by my work, got a tour of Days of our Lives, met some of the stars from the show and then got to see The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. It made me feel so good to see them enjoying their last day in Los Angeles. I wanted to make sure it ended on a high note. It also made me feel so good to hear them tell me how proud they were of me and my accomplishments. Every once in awhile, it's easy to forget how lucky I should feel for the breaks I have had and the support that surrounds me.
That night, I had a great time just sitting up and talking to my Grandma. I miss that time with her. When I lived in Oregon, it happened a lot and it was something I took for granted. Now, I realize what's really missing in my fast-paced life in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, it's not something I can order from a catalogue or pick up at the store. It just seems like family is there when you need them the most and that should never be taken for granted.

Mom and Dad Visit

This is going to be a double post because I had such a busy couple of weeks. So, forgive me. I had a wonderful visit from my mom and dad last weekend. They stayed very busy, especially since they had a new grandbaby to visit and a family gathering for my mom's side of the family. It was super-fun and it was great to see them. I stayed busy with work, but took a day off to spend with them. I always like it when parents come and visit because they still get that little kick of taking care of you. My dad bought me a new microwave because I didn't have one, my parents felt I needed new towels and my fridge fixed so it opens the correct way. I tried stopping them, but it was of no use. So, I am happy to say, that I let them show me how much they missed me.
Hopefully, since meeting my nephew, I'll be expecting a lot more visits from them!
I just got back from Colorado tonight, so I'll post about that trip very soon. Just have to get my rest, first!

My New Nephew

The day seemed so slow today but that was because I had big plans after work. I got to meet my older brother's first newborn son, Owen tonight. It was amazing. He was so small and adorable. It's hard to believe we were all that tiny at one time in our lives. For only a week old, he's very observant and kept looking around the room, looking for things and faces he recognized. 

It was pretty awesome to say the least. He's a very lucky boy to be born to such wonderful people as my brother and his amazing wife. I look forward to watching my nephew grow up and have to admit it's going to be a little weird hearing him call me "Aunt Maggie" for the first time. But, it's has a ring I could get used to. Afterall, as long as I am the cool and hip aunt and remain that way, I'll be just fine. :) I have a close friend who has a couple of sons and I like to consider myself one of their cool, hip "aunts" , as well. It's kind of fun having a reputation to keep up! 

Whirlwind Weekend

I am just now catching up from quite an exciting, but sleep-deprived weekend. One of my closest friends from Memphis came out for a visit this last weekend and it was up to me to show her what LA had to offer. I made sure to cut no corners in this action packed three and a half day weekend. The two of us took LA by storm and I have to say I hadn't had fun like that in a very long time. I love when people visit me because I get to do the cheesy things in LA that I usually would take for granted. It sort of brings an innocence back to me. Reminds me of how I used to view LA before I actually moved here. I forget about all the sights and the scenes and I don't get to appreciate that kind of stuff when I am by myself or with another LA native. So, the more people from out of town that visit, the better. As long as I don't wear myself, or my bank account, out!

I was sad to see Melissa leave because it just reminded me of how close we are and how infrequent we see each other. I guess that's what happens when you get reunited with long-distant friends. You have such an amazing time with them but then are quickly reminded on how far away they are. Maybe that was the kind of attitude that was behind Carole King's "Far Away". One of my favorite songs. 

On a happier note, I became a real first time Aunt this week! My older brother and his wonderful wife gave me a nephew! I haven't met him, yet, but, I can't wait to spoil him with hugs and gifts. If he's anything like me, he might just go for the gifts ;)